just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
