No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
