I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
