Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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