We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
