Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
