He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
