I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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