i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
