I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
