just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
