I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
