May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We have started to decorate penises.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
