Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
