I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
