What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
