dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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