There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
