Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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