the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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