you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
