Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I die, sorry about rent.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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