Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
