Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
