so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
