it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
