people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm passing your future prison.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
