I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
