well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
