I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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