i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
