Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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