i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
