There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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