I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
