I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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