We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize