Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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