i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
