I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize