i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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