I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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