I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
