before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
