one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Boobs are out for the taking
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize