I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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