dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
