WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
