Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
