So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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