He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
