I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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