Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
