what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
