I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize