Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
