why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
