I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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