She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
