trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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