It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
