So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
