I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
