I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
