he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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