what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
