if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
