i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
