I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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