you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
