I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
