watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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