Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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