Got a toothbrush?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
