it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize