Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
